For creative writing
2/14/10
I prayed
As a teenager I dreaded going to my grandma Edna’s for the weekend. It reeked of cat urine, tacky decade old furniture and it always had that “old person smell.” She stayed in a baby blue roach infested apartment building in Picayune, Mississippi, a small town in the middle of nowhere. My parents would drop me off every weekend in our light green ’93 used ford torus so they could have “special mommy & daddy alone time” As if I didn’t know what that meant. Hello I’m 15 not 5. My grandmother and I never got along. See, she’s old fashioned and believes in that yes mam no sir crap. I am a believer in equality for all. Me calling her mam makes me feel that she thinks I am inferior. She thinks because she is the adult she is better than me and can tell me what to do? I think not. Well, me being the little rebellious teen that I am do not conform and just call her Edna. Is it wrong that I don’t think it’s disrespectful?
Saturdays in the summer were the worst. She has this plastic covering on every piece of furniture in the living room. So not cool when you are wearing short shorts, your thighs are sticking to the plastic and you’re sweating like a 300 pound fat chick playing DDR. I never had to go to the spa to get a wax. The couch was kind enough to do it every time I stood up.
Edna and I disagreed on many things but the biggest thing we feuded on was religion. She was always trying to take me to church or read the bible to me. I was never a real religious person growing up. Everyone in my family was a Baptist and I was raised to be one too. The bible never made sense to me. It just seemed like a poorly made Disney movie because of the magical powers. When I was six I went to Edna’s church and asked the pastor (Pastor Paton) some questions that I just had to have the answers to like: Why don’t we have magical powers anymore? Are the other religions wrong? And my personal favorite; if we all came from Adam and Eve how did I get here? I’m black and everyone else is white in this picture pastor Paton. He ran his charcoal colored fingers through his freshly permed hair, Sat down next to me in his $300 pink leisure suit with matching gators, put his arm around me and said with a chuckle, “oh darling don’t be retarded but I love your uniqueness” I felt completely insulted and Instead of Edna comforting me she looked down on me for even being a bit curious. I was so done with Christianity and made a promise to myself to never go back to church again.
Everyone in my family were devoted Christians and were not happy about my decision to not believe in god anymore. I remember my mother and father would call their close friends to come over and drink beer, smoke pot, listen to loud and vulgar music while playing dominoes and cursing like sailors. Oh yes I am the bad guy for not believing in god yet you do this before and sometimes after you come back from church. On family game nights we would sit in the living room playing around the table playing the only board game in the house, Monopoly. As I pass go I can’t help but over hear Grandma Edna whispering to Aunt Shelly that if I don’t start acting right I will burn in hell for all eternity. I just wanted to collect my $200 without being reminded of how much of an outcast I was in my own home.
I am starting to think that this is the reason why I have resentment towards Grandma Edna. I love her with all of my heart but it hurts every time I reminisce about how she made me feel when I was younger. I am completely content with not having a religion and that hurts her. I wish I knew how to make both of us happy.
One Sunday as I was riding my 10 speed bike down Dillinger road, I looked up at the sky and it was absolutely breath taking. Blue began to fade as violet and pink filled the sky. It was so beautiful that I sat down on a bench in the community garden down the street from Edna’s home and gazed at the sky. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and slowly started releasing the tension I had build up in my shoulders and face. When I opened my eyes the sky was dark. I got back on my bike and let the pattern of the stars guide back to Edna’s home. It was going to be such a beautiful night…..or so I thought.
I walked through the door and once again all the lights in the house were off. She said she did it because she cares about the environment but I know she only does it to save money. I lightly knocked on her bedroom door to let her know that I made it home. No answer. I knocked 2 more times. No answer. I knocked 2 more times and called her name. Still no answer. I’m getting a bit concerned because its 7:00 o clock and she’s not watching her favorite soap opera. She always watches her favorite soap at 7:00. I gently push open the wood door and see Grandma Edna laying face down on her satin sheets. I rock her but she doesn’t move. Then I check for a pulse. I feel nothing. I immediately run into the living room and dial 911. The operator could barley understand me because I was crying so much. The operator stayed on the phone with me until help arrived. I couldn’t believe what was happening
Two hours later I find myself in an emergency waiting room with my mother, father and Aunt Shelly. I suddenly started to feel guilty for saying and thinking the awful things about her for the past 8 years. I didn’t want her to leave me. I loved her so much and I wanted her to know. Another hour goes by and the doctor calls my mother and father into Grandma Edna’s room. There’re in there for less than 40 seconds when I hear a loud scream. I knew exactly what it meant.
On Sunday December 19rd 1994, Edna May Jefferson left this earth, 2 days before her 73rd birthday. The doctors told us the cause of death was natural. What does that even mean? It’s natural for your heart to stop beating for no reason? I never even got a chance to tell her how I really felt or apologize for the way I treated her. On the day of her funeral I walked up to the casket, eyes almost blinded with tears, looked into my grandmother’s lifeless face and told her I was sorry. Sorry for everything I had put her through and I hoped that she could forgive me. I placed my hand on her cheek. It was ice cold. So cold that it sent chills thorough out my body.
That night when I arrived home I went into my toy box and pulled out one of my old stuffed animals. It was stuffed puppy dog named penny given to me by Grandma Edna when I was four. Penny was named after the 1st puppy Grandma Edna ever had. I held her tightly against my chest closed my eyes and reminisced. I opened the curtains of my bed room window and looked up towards the night sky. I did something that I have never done and promised myself I would never do. I closed my eyes put my hands together and I prayed.
